looking back
i wasnt ready at all

waiting 2 years, was simply to catch up...

lets get ready now...
no more compromising.

what i trash i am, sigh.

the season to cry.

那首歌english lyrics by Reuben Wong

an excellent song i heard translated into english lyrics
heres the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhDU9y9ks-0

There is a song, it sang to me
Telling me you're leaving me...
Could not believe my eyes,
As i fall down to cry,
It sounded painfully so beautiful...

The things you do and say to me...
feels like this love was never meant to be...
I pray that you will stay,
yet you just turn away,
how can i face the pain you bring into my world alone..

With every dream i see you sleeping by my side...
Yet when i wake its you i miss at night.
you say you stand by me,
now you are leaving me...
you say you feel the hurt I feel,
but is that ever really true....

this love is drowning me...
with every hope i breathe...
this dreams that may come true...
can only happen with you...

2008

3day into 2008 alr.
well, 2007 was really quite a year for me.
in fact, since so many years of my life,
i think its been a one since i've had such an eventful one.

well new year resolutions :>
going to stop swearing by end of 2008!
Keep my accoutable my friends!
Especially my gaming ones :X

4mths left b4 NS
Going to commit it to AJCG,
i wrote in my newyear resolution
1 convert a mth.
then i realised everyone put only like what 3 sheeps or 4 sheeps by end of the year
then smth struck me that, that means they only have 1 convert every 3/4 mths
which means,
IM CRAZY.
but well nothing is to great for God to handle.
i believe i can achieve at least half of it.

it hasn't been easy at all since after As
where most people feel that the shackles of studying is relieved for now...
well,
everyone have their own problems
and apparently mine, isn't really small.

how to decide between
letting go...
or
hanging on...

anxiousness...
or
jealousness...

selflessness...
or
selfishness...

love...
or
hate...

its been a real struggle for me.
but i overcomed at least 90% of it now
thanks to church camp.
the rest of the 10%,
i guess god wants me to tugggg through it
so that i will grow up...
even more.

its kinda weird if after 1 year u feel that you're still the same old you.
i believe in improving every year.
many who know me 6years ago,
probably don't know me now.
the things im capable of.
the things im doing now.

so challenge every single one of you to grow up
every year :>
so well at least you can look back
and say
hey in 2007,
i stopped doing this this
and started doing this this
and now im like this this

my sister said that
affinity is a beautiful thing
well but she also said that
the only thing i lacked was timing
time was not with me...yet
but i shall continue
to wait...

Affinity.

growingup.

well, some people say people can't change overnight,
its true
but no one said that no one cannot change after 4days.

4days that changed my life.
4days that gave me my answer.
4days that re-directed my life.

for those who are still guessing wad is this 4 days
its the 4days i spent at church camp.

well, many said i sacrifice many things for that 4days,
gaming
time spent with frens
and 1 thing that people keep bugging me abt,
that is going for prom night.

well, it is in fact probably the last prom night i can ever have.
but after the first day at the church camp,
i decided not to go.
because i know, every other day in the camp will make a difference in my life.
and it did.

for those people i've been speaking to and trying to invite you after the camp,
maybe you are reading this.
but i pray,
1 day u all will realise that there are more things then just studying,friends,family,relationships
yes they are all beautiful things.
but brother and sisters,
if you know there is something more beautiful out there,
wouldn't you pursue it.
some of my frens said i got brainwashed.
im sure im not.
thats because i been through all of the above mentioned,
not all of the aspects in each category but definitely some aspects in those once.
i've experienced the pain,joy,happiness,excitement,saddness,anxiety....
the waiting.
lol.
even as im still waiting,
but its different now
it used to be like this
god,friends,family,relationship,cca,sports,piano,gaming all part of my life.
now
its

GOD

THEN

the rest.

he shall be the core of my life from now on.

for those who do not know him yet,

and i know you.

lol

i pray that if it isn't me who bring you to come to know him,

someone will.

and hope it isn't too late.

if life is just abt those that i mentioned about,

pursuing studies, careers, helping out the needy, having a family, having friends

then i tell you, you will never be totally filled

1 day, when u realised you have all these, you will still realise

why am i still feeling so empty.

for we are human

we will never be satisfied

we will always want greater things,

more money,

better looking girlfriends/boyfriends

more $$ cars

more time

those things i mentioned are not bad things to pursue

but if they takeover your life,

then u realised

u will never be filled

never be satisfied

will always feel empty 1 day or another.

and friends

only god

can really fill us.

amen.

why let me know what you do everyday...

when im not doing them with you...

why did i say things so that you think twice,

i could have gone along,

so that i have a chance to meet you.

but its wrong.

but its so painful...

why did i say things so that you will say no.

do i care if its gratitude or not?

no.

as long as i spend time with you,

im satisfied.

but i don't wanna be selfish.

i don't...

but seems like

it will be my saddest birthday ever,

all the things i planned and want to do,

will never happen..

never happen...

and i really screwed this up.

because its not happening,

i got fired

cant believed my boss is so -.- unreasonable.

my career will come to a standstill for now.

and i wonder when will i have the strength,

to play those songs again...

without having tears on my piano...

my birthday wish this year...

please be happy.

I can't believe this is happening
5days
2overnights at the studio
3days to learn to play a guitar
only 5days...
rushing through all 10 pieces.
and guess what,
none
zero
NONE
WERE HEARD.
it didn't matter that you're the first to be able to listen to it
it didn't matter when you knew I told you I sang and played 1ofyour fav instrument
it seems
i just didn't matter at all.
im really hurt this time.
but i will hold on.
i believe you're better
we're not perfect
for the pain don't seem to bother, but the bother seem to pain
cheer up girl
we will try to do that together...

somehow i knew it,

my efforts unappreciated,

but i will still hold on...

somehow i envy u,

u have the luxury to be angry with someone

for me

i just can't be angry with that someone

how painful that is.

walking in orchard road carrying a heavy carrefour plastic bag for my parents was quite a sight
never did the colour blue mean so much to me

the blue lights and the blue star hanging from corner to corner on the road,
as i walked,
i thought if we were walking down this pathway tgt, we will be like.. thats so nice.
i dunno if its ironic or what,

BUT WHY BLUE THEME THIS YEAR FOR ORCHARD ROAD CHRISTMAS -.- IT WAS RED ALL THE WHILE.

just like when i was walking home after the bus trip
the blue sky was so beautiful,
so wanted to take a picture of it to show you...

but i can't
cos the pain don't seem to bother, but the bother seem to pain.
i so want to share my world with you,
i so want to spend my time with you,
the world seemed so meaningless without sharing my daily joys with you,

even the blogger topbar is blue
the windows taskbar is blue
gosh im going crazy.

im so sure its you,
im hanging on to a thin thin thread,
i was so forgotten
but i dun believe i was, i just don't
am i just naive?
my fren said people who believed in true love are fools
i told him,
then i rather be a fool.

i was so worried
but does it matter.
for i am i and she is she.
im getting ignored,
being avoided,
but with the least hurting means.
but whats worse?
knowing you're a goner
or knowing you're not a goner,
but these goes the way that u are worst than one

if only i am one of the heroes movie guy who can read people's mind
then i can know what you are really thinking.
why call me when you can call him
why give me a thin thin little hope for me to hang on
but for now as i see it
you have no time for me.

a gift given
appreciated?
i do not know.
i put my heart and soul in it for comments
till now,
i got none, none at all

when i was at work,
it was always you, you and you.
my breaks, my bus rides, even when i was on the piano.
it was still you.

why share with me an invisible wing,
when your real wing is with somebody else

all the dreams shared
all the things shared
all the empty promises
all the false hopes,
i really don't know anymore

this was the drama i asked for?
mel told me srsly i can write a script and send it to a producer they will surely use it.
ha ha.
not funnie -.-

why i look back,
it all seemed so beautiful
thats my only motivation
thats my thin thread
im holding on...
im waiting...

i'll still be waiting, no matter how painful it hurts me...

i hope nth happened to you
i hope you're fine
i don't dare to ask,
but i waited tonight,

like i still be doing for a long long while...

i asked.

it wasn't yes

it wasn't no

it is...

DUNNO!

NOW i also dunno -.-

"When You're Gone"

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss youI've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

no matter how happening my life is

i need to share it with someone

and somehow

somewhy

some reason

its you

I feel the wind blow this place
There I see the stars beyond this window pane
Shining so bright,
Here in this night,
Here I feel the sense of love…
Deep in my heart I cry for you,
Every tear that falls feels like a wound.
The stars in the skies,
Gently shines,
Taking away my pain…
I hear voice gently saying
“Don’t be afraid.”
I feel a warmth come over me,
as I sleep in their embrace,
And even though I do not have that strength to go on…
Even though I try to hold on,
This love will never ever be meant for me.
But I keep on smiling
Even though my dreams won’t come true,
I remember every moment with you…
Like the stars that shine forever
I will treasure my love for you…

i hoped you managed to sleep that night...

I'd take another chance,
take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new - yeah
I loved you with the a fire red-

Now it's turning blue,
and you say...I'm sorry like an angel
heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

just now long more can i stay by your side,
i don't know how long more i can last,
the hearts leaking day by day
one day it will run dry.......

smile please

cos i do when you do

if there's anything i can do for you,

let me know

i wanna do so so so so so much for you

but i can't.

i wish i could do everything for you

but im not given that status,

but at least im doing things.

the unplayed melody,

played.

is that all i can do for you.

i really wanna do more...

my role?

if its to listen

i will listen,

even if i stay a listener forever

at least ur sharing your world with me

im satisfied

cheer up girl.

first time-

A levels is coming to an end...
3 more papers
then the wait really starts

maybe you do not need this emotional support anymore after As,
but i'll still be around
but less significant this time,
i can't do much for you,
but only be there
becos
i don't have the status to do so..

looks like my most of my first times are already experienced due to you

first time.....

while walking home i look upon the MRT tracks on my right,

hoping to catch a glimpse of you which i never will

when i wake up,

i have something to look forward to,

im worried even before i sleep,

im worried for someone more than myself,

i think of you when anything happens,

i could endlessly share my thoughts,

i did crazy things,

i can feel what it means,

i cried after 3 years of not doing so

i am really really myself

i smile to myself and people think im crazy

i wrote a song which really meant something to me

i realised whats the difference between good and great

happy and estatic

sad and anguish

laughter and rofl

anixety and worry

white and pure

blue and heaven

wings and angel

rememberance and memories

and much much more i want to type down...

even if it is the first time,

im waiting,

so so long

i wonder when it will end.

maybe it will never end.

maybe i can only be a brother,

but i don't want to

i rather be a friend then.

just to let you know,

i'll always be there

guardian angel

i really cannot see
which is more important
the it, or you.
sigh.

3weeks more.
BRING IT ON.
LETS GO THROUGH THIS TOGETHER GUYS!
woo.